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We are all in this together. St. Mary's is committed to help students and their families by providing support, information and helpful resources.
Build trust and transmit our own calmness to our children
Our children are our mirrors. If we are calm, they remain calm. If we feel anxious, they feel anxious too. Try to be aware of your internal state. Check in with yourself. How are you feeling? How are you coping? Practice mindful breathing to find calm by taking three deep breaths when you feel that you are becoming stressed, desperate, frustrated, worried, or upset. Look to connect with people who calm you, start an activity that distracts you and helps you find your way back to a calm state. Limit what you see, avoid being bombarded with negative news, social media and any source of stress. Be the person your child can rely on to feel safe.
It is important that we acknowledge our feelings and our children’s as well. When a child is not feeling safe or calm, they may be triggered momentarily because of the feelings and emotions they are experiencing. Help them regulate their emotions by comforting them and taking deep mindful breaths and reassuring your child that you are there for them. Remind them they are safe, that they can handle this and that we will get through this together. Acknowledge their feelings and work through them. It is important to remember that we are all human and even adults can feel overwhelmed and stressed too. Hang in there, you can do this. It is OK to feel the pressure, just remember to breathe.
Reinforce your connection with your children and help them feel safe
When we feel safe and connected, our brain is at it's best. Remind your children that change is inevitable, but that we learn to adapt. Make safety and connection your family priority, especially during the first days; you can always add academics, chores and such later.
If you don’t already practice active calming or mindful breathing, now is the perfect time to start. Your child has been practicing it at school by learning to take deep breaths when needing to self-regulate. There are many websites and apps with helpful breathing games and yoga for kids.
Quality time is important in your day. For young children, you might choose to read a book, to play with them with their toys, color together. For older children, playing a favorite video game together or watching a movie they like with them. Join your children in their play. Go outside and throw a ball, draw with chalk on your drive way, have fun! Connection good for everyone!
Provide your child(ren) with information at their level to increase their feeling of safety. Dismissing your child's feelings will not help. Information will help reassure and soothe children’s fears. Give your child necessary information to explain why life is different using the simplest terms possible. Answer their questions honestly, without overwhelming them with information or offering many details. Don't have the news running in the background all day, but remain informed. Be aware of social media usage for your children and yourself. Use positive self-talk to remind yourself and your children that you are safe and are able to handle this. Remind each other that you will get through this together, instead of dismissing worry and nervousness by only saying "everything is fine" or "it's OK".
Give children opportunities to contribute
Contribution lights up the reward centers of the brain and releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine and serotonin (Bailey, 2020). Highlight to your children how your are all helping your community and hospitals by staying home. You can have your children draw pictures and write letters to mail, leave on neighbors’ doorsteps.
Create opportunities for children to be helpful at home and genuinely thank them for helping. Make sure you are not forcing your child to help in a negative way. Try to make it a voluntary effort in order to release those feel-good brain chemicals.
Focus on the good around you
What is your perception of the situation? Do you feel “stuck at home” or are you staying safe and spending time together at home? Are selfish people hoarding things, or are frightened people trying to make sure their families have enough?
It is important to make a conscious effort to look at the bright side, because it might be easier to identify all the negatives around us. Use your words wisely. Try to draw attention to positive behaviors and aspects you find helpful during this time. The more positive aspects you talk about with your children, the more they are able to see the best in the situation. The more you notice and talk about helpful actions, the more helpful they will become. Shifting your perspective from what you don’t want to what you do want paves the way for a healthier internal state for you and your children (Bailey, 2020)
Bailey, D., 2020. COVID-19: Five Helpful Responses for Families. Retrieved on March 22, 2020 from https://consciousdiscipline.com/covid-19-five-helpful-responses-for-families/